One thing I overcame that I never really thought would be a struggle, is being an only child. I used to be happy living in my own world and everyone paid attention to me whenever I wanted something or had no problem giving me what made me happy. But, as I got older, I spent a lot of time in the house alone. I lived somewhere where there weren’t that many kids. No parks, not even sidewalks, and there were too many trees for there to be any cell service. SO I was alone and underground. Adults were spoiling me as much cause I wasn’t such a little cutie pie but I began to want company desperately. To this day I’m still an only child. I had a step-brother I started to get close to at one point but he was kinda in and out of the house then my parents got a divorce and the day my stepdad left was the last I saw him.
Later in high school, I became depressed because I felt like I couldn’t really express who I was if I wanted to make any friends. My old friend from middle school who came to high school with me eventually started drifting away. My best friend and I were constantly arguing so we’d be off and on. After I graduated I felt more alone than ever. Everybody was riding downtown to the banks drinking, smoking, and turning up and I mean I was too cause I celebrated making it through covid class, but as soon as I got home, that depression would settle right back on my brain.
I started tapping more into my imagination. I tried to get rid of it because I thought it made me seem childish in front of everybody. I found my way towards the old talents I used to practice in my years in the performing arts. I listened to Lady Gaga most of the time during high school to help with my depressive thoughts and anxiety, and I fell in love with her voice, her vocal stacking, her producers, her concepts, her concerts, and damn near everything about that woman. So I started trying to recreate her vocals in certain songs which led to me teaching myself how to use certain music apps on my phone.
This completely changed how I started letting out a lot of creativity. I started working on mastering the vocals of my own written songs. I felt like my brother would be proud of what I was doing which made me miss him a lot more but I had to just carry on cause I remembered why his dad had to leave. But later on, I got angry about being so alone. I felt like everyone had friends and relationships living the good life of just graduating and I got jealous. Just because my friends were so fickle and either way, they had siblings or other people living in their house so they could go home and have company. They didn’t really need me, but I realized they needed company. But I had to stop because I knew that my friends at that moment weren’t meant to last. So I had to get used to just being my own company. But then being alone for so long, my thoughts became my company. I could hear them louder than the tv sometimes, which caused me to have a lot of anxiety and made it hard for me to talk to people because my brain is so worried about coming off the wrong way and I’m avoided by people, so I’d rather just stay to myself and speak when spoken to, but because of my loud thoughts, I’m able to see my creativity a lot more vividly, so I can easily convert my thoughts to art. I love that though because it helps me feel less lonely. Like my brain really adapted to creating a world around me so I don’t have to rely on other people being there. It would still be nice though. But that’s it! I guess I really did not overcome it after all but I did get something out of it, something I’ll enjoy for the rest of my life. I may be extremely introverted but I’m also very gifted and I praise God for every gift he gives to me. That’s how I ended up wanting to go to the Ohio Media School, to sharpen my skills, get to know my strengths a little more & find my purpose in the media!
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